She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
