I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
