I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
