Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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