youre lurking in front of me
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
