My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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