Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
