How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
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