his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
