im drinking this country out of the recession.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
