Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
