dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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