M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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