My nipple is on Facebook.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
