Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
