I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
