Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.