my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.