did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby