id be glad to
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
