There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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