i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you didnt know i had herpes?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
