remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
