I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
