So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
