it hurts more in the daytime
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
