you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
