what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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