dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
