I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
