Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on