Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF