First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.