afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
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I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.