He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
