I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
