Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
