Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
