if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
