I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
