White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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