cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
