If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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