I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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