Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i think i just lost a toe
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
