I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
