Me too!
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
