She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
