Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
