I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
