Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
