What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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