I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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