Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can't turn off my feet"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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