home. puking in laundry basket.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
