I want to stick my p in your. b.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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