I'm eating all of the evidence.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
