i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
