Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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