toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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