You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
