My friends, they love my intelligence
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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