I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
