I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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