chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
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You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
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I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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