Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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