everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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