Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
