Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
