is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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