Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
